She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
