He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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