i just google imaged poop.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
