you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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