it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
