Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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