Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
