my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
