I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
