Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I had to cum in my sink.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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