this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize