Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
