His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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