i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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