Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
