somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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