I am spending my child support on dildos
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
