R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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