I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
