dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
