At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So vagazzling was a success
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
