I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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