people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
