Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
