Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
