I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
