I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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