thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
