I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
