Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
