Me too!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
