Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
