If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dick very happy bro
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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