so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
