why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
