did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
