Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
