I wish I only lived at night.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize