You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I currently don't understand fingers.
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