My first STD was from a foam party
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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