How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
