I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
