So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
soo... how was my night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
