I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
