I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
