ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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