omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
