I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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