Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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