If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
