I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
