Got a toothbrush?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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