i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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