You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
