Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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