I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
