Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
