M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
