New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
