Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
