I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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