Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In other news, I just burned my penis
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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