I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
how can u be prego again
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
