I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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