Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
