Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize