i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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