taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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