This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dear god my vagina.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
