Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize