they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
