Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize