I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
