how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
