We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
