I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize