Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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