Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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