His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
