Betty ford says i'm here all night
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
