Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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