Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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