I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
