I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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