she woke up with a sticky ear
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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