before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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