I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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