I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
