What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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