I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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