Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Im part way to drunk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
