I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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