I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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