He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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