So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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