I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize