Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
