we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
