Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
