i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
