I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
