im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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