so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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