i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
