Tell her she can't have a vagina
They should really pass out barf bags in church
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So squirting runs in the family.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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