an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
