Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
