if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
