Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
