it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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