I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize