If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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