Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
