My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
