YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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