so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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