OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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