Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and she was petting her beer can
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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