I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
