Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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