"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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